O.k where to begin. I am so stressed, confused, exasperated, upset, frustrated and downright ready to scream.
My WONDERFUL, BRIGHT, SWEET son is not adjusting well to this new school in VA.
I don't know what it is.
He did WONDERFUL in kindergarten and GREAT in 1st grade when we were in NC. He had plenty of friends and really seemed to THRIVE there....even being the youngest kid in the class.
BUT..
This year...he has turned from this happy, outgoing, confident little boy....to this solemn, UN confident, lonely little boy.
WHAT HAPPENED!?!?!?!?
I keep getting phone calls from his 2nd grade teacher Mrs. Taylor...saying that Sam isn't "connected" in class (her words not mine) She says that he hasn't made any friends and that even when the other teachers and students try to engage him on the playground he shuts down. He has also taken to saying things like "I don't like myself.."I hate me"....and "I'm not good enough"
OK Dr Phil....what the hell? I have been a DIE HARD watcher of your parenting shows, and up to this point have TOTALLY agreed with everything...
but apparently....
you CAN praise your child to much...you CAN love them too much. You CAN over-do it with "way to go's" so much that they actually expect it from everyone and NEED it to move forward.
Sam has had NOTHING but POSITIVE encouragement and words from us...even when he gets into trouble. Don't get me wrong...I get upset! But I try to let them know its the behavior I dont agree with and THATS why I'm upset.
Yeah...Well I think my "atta boy's" and "way to go's" and "thats so awesome's" must have been poured on a little too thickly. Because he has no CONFIDENCE in anything he does now. The teachers say he has to double check with them about everything (he does this at home so I KNOW this drives poor Mrs Taylor crazy!!) Even when you say it's ok..he will ask you 3 more times!! She says that she asks the students to do things, and Sam will sit there or ask what he is supposed to do instead of picking up clues by looking around at the other students. If she gives more that 3 instructions he follows the 1st one and then sits there. During our last conversation (last week) she even mentioned ADD. WHAT!?!?! I'm NO expert by any means...but REALLY!?!?! She says he loses focus and seems "disconnected" in class. Then she also goes on to say that he is he is by NO means a behavioural problem.... but that he just doesn't seems to grasp things. She thinks it has to do with his age.
Bless Mrs Taylors heart because I can imagine how hard it must be to have 22 other students in your class, and to constantly have the SAME student need to be reassured or helped...I am trying SO hard to see things from her point of view. BUT...(and I KNOW all you teachers will hate me or at the very least disagree with me) in my opinion...that's part of the job, and instead of focusing on all the negative that is happening why not focus on the positive (like the fact that he reads at a 4th grade level and can spell like a champ..or has the memory of an elephant) and work towards a SOLUTION.
To me...she is just getting more and more frustrated and Sam is suffering for it. I know that she cant coddle him (and I would NEVER ask her to...OR to take time away from any of the other students)...and I know he has to learn to deal with different issues and people....BUT HE JUST TURNED 7 YEARS OLD!!!!!
He is in a NEW AREA...NEW SCHOOL, NEW NEIGHBORHOOD, NEW TEACHER, NEW STUDENTS, NEW way of doing things....NEW EVERYTHING!!! She has been teaching for 20 years....and according to her....she has never come across a student like Sam.
How is that supposed to make me feel? He gets his work done..he doesnt cause problems...but yet....UGH! THERE'S my frustration!!!
If any of you personally KNOW Sam then you know what a sensitive boy he is...and when he gets into trouble (ESPECIALLY in front of people) he takes it VERY hard. She has mentioned several times that she has had to talk to him in front of the class (not for things he did wrong but to ask him why he isn't doing what the other students are..or calling him out for being shy)...and I have tried to tell her that with sam that is exactly the WRONG ( I can't say this enough!) thing to do. She doesnt get it.
Now..
I GET that she has 21 other student to think about..
I GET that she cant stop EVERY time Sam has a question or "issue"
I GET that she is getting frustrated with my son
I GET that she is getting frustrated with me.
My question in where is the solution?
Now please forgive me if I jump around a bit here but I am just trying to get everything I have had pent up for the last 3 months out. AND I AM SOOOO FRUSTRATED!
After getting off the phone with the guidance counselor ( a few minutes ago) from the school. I am REALLY leaning towards pulling him out of 2nd grade. She also happens to be the group leader in a friendship therapy class I enrolled him in a few weeks into the year when I noticed he wasnt "clicking" with anyone. She said he as grown leaps and bounds in that class, socializing with the other students and participating in the role plays they do..even picking the friends to do them with.......but she said, after talking to his reading teacher and homeroom teacher, and observing him at recess in the playground...he lacks self confidence and may struggle even more in 3rd grade next year since it is harder, they expect more from the students and there are SOL test's to take. He DOES fine in all his school work area's (according to his teacher's) Math is good, SS is good, Music is good, He DOES have issues with reading the instructions on the paper and following them from there. But if his school work is fine...then WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIM!?!?
I just DONT know what to do.. Is this something he'll outgrow? I thought by enrolling him in Karate (which he starts today) it would build up his self confidence and focus, and then I signed him up for cub scouts too...so he can gain even MORE confidence, learn new things, and make new friends. Do I wait it out and see if it helps? Do I pull him out now and save the frustration? Do I let him work it out? WHAT?!?!
Being a mom is SO hard! Wish someone had warned me! :) Or at least wrote a DETAILED manual! lol
So.....that all being said....I know how sensitive he is and I have already broached the subject of maybe doing 2nd grade next year...and he got REALLY PHYSICALLY upset. Saying he wasnt good enough and no one likes him! *shakes her head* I pray he really doesn't feel this way!
Then after thinking about it... thought maybe I should pull him out of 2nd NOW and put him back into 1st NOW so he can make his friends (1st graders are more open to a new student) ...I may try and broach it from a point of view that he could maybe help some of the other 1st graders since he has already done that work and not only did it but did AWESOME in 1st grade (THATS why I'm having such a hard time with my decision..it just doesn't make any sense for him to back track the way he has been doing..from this bright, happy little man...to what he is today. Is it the school? The teacher? Me? Him? *sigh*
So far, later this week I am meeting with Mrs Williams the principal, and his guidance counselor soon. See what the options are.
Where is my sweet, happy little boy from NC?
I want him back.
Yea we should talk Kris, not that I am overly concerned in terms of Sam having a serious issue, but why dont you and your psychologist cousin have a heart to heart on the phone one of these evenings.......we need to process all of this a bit more!!
ReplyDeleteI am sure this has been very difficult on you.
Love ya
Kristi,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry your going through this!!! BELIEVE ME I UNDERSTAND!! Listen, I read the part about over praising your kids... when i read that...all i thought of was kaleb. I showed that kid all the love you can show a kid and so did our WHOLE family..... and he also has self-confidence and low self esteem issues, I'm not sure that's because of the love and praise he was given as a young kid or not... the difference between kaleb and sam is...kaleb has ALWAYS had these issues.... all his life. if these are new for sam and he didn't show these signs at his other school then i doubt that (add or adhd) is the case... although i'm not totally ruling it out (you just never know for sure until you look into it). ADD and ADHD is something you are born with and is hereditary. In fact Ethan talked to me about it a few weeks ago asking me what meds kaleb takes because they think brodi may have add. kaleb has adhd with the hyperactivity brodi may just have the add but regardless....it's pretty much the same thing. And after I did the research on it I am convinced I had adhd as a child as well. talk to his pediatrician, in fact make sure you talk to all of the pediatricians he has had in his life. You don't just want to talk to the one he has now because he doesn't know sam like the others do. He only knows the sam now (that is having a little trouble). you need to talk to the dr. he has where you were before, to since he knows the happy, go lucky, confident sam. it sounds to me that you have a child who seems a littl lost right now. He went from a familiar school, with familiar faces, friends, teachers ect and is now in a new place where everything is different and new. some kids do just fine with it and pick up where they left off and find it easy to make friends and "fit in" and for some t takes a little longer. KEEP ENCOURAGING HIM AND TALKING TO HIM ANOUT HOW HE FEELS and how he likes it dislikes things. ask him his fears and worries...you may get somewhere by just asking him. AND KRISTI!! PLEASE DON'T blame yourself. I got that a lot when we moved around and rob and I had trouuble...everyone told us kaleb is the way he is because of us and what we did...it's not!!! life happens!!! and you can't blame yourself or the fact that you moved him around!! he will adjust...give him some time!!! love you!!