Thursday, August 31, 2006
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God..
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
***got this as part of an email.....at just the right time....don'tcha think?***
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
I've ALWAYS wanted to be a mom.
I can remember being 5, and someone asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up
.....most kids said "fireman"
.......I wanted to be a mom.
there are So many ways to say it.
And so MANY things I would have never known..if it weren't for being one.
I've discovered how much love you can have for another human being.
How wonderful it is to see that person happy.
How nothing in this world is too great to give.... to help or maybe even just to see that smile.
How just a smell.......can bring such a flood of memories and a sense of peace.
How an illness is magnified a billion times over when it relates to YOUR child.
How my heart can swell SO big when I see my son hug his sister out of the blue.
How I would give the food off my plate to make sure my child eats before I do.
How ONE word...can completely CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
kinda like marriage.
we covered the better...have I mentioned the OTHER side to being a mom?
I also have these fears. as irrational as they may be. i cant control them.
If you are reading this....I warn you...this gets kinda....personal. These are my heartfelt fears. They consume me if I stop for even a moment. So I am trying to get it out so i can read how silly I sound.....over and over and over....until I can see it for myself.
I fear that I wont be around to see them grow up. (graduate...get married..)
I fear that something is going to happen to them. (get sick)
I fear that the end of the world is coming. (it is a genuine fear...stupid as it seems)
Im scared of earthquakes (by the way.. we had one here sun night....3.1 magnitude...I felt it)
I'm scared of war. (please let it end soon)
Im scared of terrorism. (being on an island and the talk of missles)
I'm scared something will happen to my husband.
I'm scared of a mass disease ...like the bird flu...coming and killings 100,000's of people. (we have no cure as of yet)
I worry that a tsunami will come...and we wont have enough supplies...
I'm wonder if I am a good enough mother, wife, daughter..and friend.
I have my faith...but I wonder.
These all sound STUPID...and IRRATIONAL...because these are things I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.....
so why does it consume me? Why do I KNOW how silly it sounds....how people will roll their eyes...and DO...but...
I hate it.
That's why I forced myself to make the list above..which wasnt hard at all.
I'm debating weather to see a doctor. ( I just DONT want to take meds unless NECESSARY..and they are so quick to prescribe them)
Everyone else worries about "regular" things like..... my child isnt walking yet...or...... their weight.....or bills.
I'm just so frustrated. *I want to yell*
I feel SO VERY alone. * I want to cry.....no one understands*
Guess I'll keep talkin' to God.
Never thought about this stuff till I became a......
Thursday, August 24, 2006
We have McKayla at her Papa's house....asking for ..none other than her da-da.
She only says mama..when she is upset. (go figure)
Then we have one of my bug singing one of his favorite songs! I love it! hehehe
I want to get one of her dancing...and will soon! TTFN!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
I guess it would only be fair to WARN you.....what I am about to post is .....well......something a little personal.
*rolls her eyes*
You have been warned.....
Brad and I were in our bedroom last night watching TV and entertaining McKayla...when I hear a little....
tap tap tap
...I look...and there is Sammy peering at me though the hole where the doorknob is supposed to go (we removed them since Sammy has a habit of LOCKING all the doors)
Brad hops up to see what he wants.
Sammy doesn't wait ....he pushes the door open.
"It got bigger" he says with this grin
"huh?...pardon me...what got bigger bug?"
I am on the floor on the side of the bed playing with Kayla so I can't see him.
Brad says..."go show mom" uh oh
I stand up...fearing the worse.
He heads over to me.....meanwhile I look at DH.
His face is beat red and he looks like he is about to have a MAJOR heart attack.
"What is is bug? What got bigger...show mommy" I begin to head to his room
***see where this is going?...if You haven't...you must have girls LOL***
"Look mom...it got bigger"
"What honey....WHAT got bigger?"
He then opens his underwear and points. (there's that grin again)
I look over to DH...
He is laughing so hard he can't breathe. I kid you not.
"ummmm...yeah sammy..it did get bigger....please don't play with it...it is time for night-night"
PAUSE: O.k I am the female here right? So WHY am I trying to explain to an almost 4 year old that an erection is normal...isn't this daddy duty??
I take Sammy back to bed.
10 minutes later.....
"Mommy..I made it bigger again"
"I see that Sammy, but it is time for bed...you have school tomorrow..let's go"
"Mommy, I wanna show Mrs Donnie"
Here is where I start praying (and havent stopped) that Sammy will NOT remember this in the morning....that he will NOT go to school and point out this AMAZING fact he has discovered....and please, please please....DON'T SHOW THE TEACHER!
All last night....Brad acted like the proud dad (like HE had anything to do with it...besides the kid is 4...MEN!) I was beside myself worrying about today...and school....and the fact that my "little" boy is growing up so fast!
Has anyone with boys dealt with this?? And what did you do? How did you explain it. Normally I would just ignore it...I mean what do you tell a "not quite" 4 year old about how and why his pee pee gets hard.....but he asks 1000 questions!
Honey....this one is ALL yours!
Monday, August 14, 2006
I am getting very tired of this.
Wait...I better stop there .....
and WARN EVERYONE: This is a pretty long vent/pity party post...DO NOT READ if you don't want to hear me go on about how mad I am.
O.k Let's try this again...
I took McKayla to her 9 month appt on Friday.
She had lost some weight *boo* and was at
drum roll please....
18.1 Lbs....and 29 inches long. Her head...17 and a half.
ACTION: Scene I
In walks the Dr. ( actually a RN, I had remembered her from when I was nursing...she was the lactation consultant.)
I didnt like her then
Anyway...she starts asking me questions...
"What kind of solids is she eating?"
me: "well, ummmm...she actually prefers to nurse...I have tried baby food, and she will eat about 1/3 of a size 2 jar. I have even tried cheerios and things like that...she chokes"
"huh? *enter stupid look directed at me *..... she isnt eating table foods?"
me: frantically looking at DH " ummmm she wants to...but she chokes and throws up....so I try to practice with her at least once a day with SOMETHING"
"really? *enter another stupid look directed at me* She SHOULD be eating 2 palm sized amounts of table foods a day *holds out her palm, like I dont know what it is, and circles it*... like THIS. "
me: " Well I do try to get her to eat...she does do good with lo mein noodles if they are really small..."
"Well...what does she have for dinner?"
me: " She eats about 1/3 of a jar of baby food before she shuts her mouth tight..or gags."
"Baby food as in those dinner meals right?"
"what kind of meat does she eat?"
me: "huh?" meat? uhhh none"
"You mean she ISNT eating those dinner meals they make for kids. You know...the little entree ones?!"
me: looks at dh " ummmmm no" *small voice* "why? should she be?"
"Of course! She needs her iron."
CUT: OK insert thought here: You would think..her being a lactation consultant...that she would KNOW that a child can get all the nutrients it needs the 1st year of life from it's mothers milk!...now HELLO....I am not saying that I shouldnt be practicing with her to get her used to different textures and tastes....and I AM...I DID mention that.......but for her to make me feel like such a HORRIBLE mom (and it was her tone and her eyes) because she wasnt eating a lot of solid foods .
My conflict: Had the appt last mon for her pneumonia with Dr Meyers who had asked the same question about her appetite and what she was eating. I told him, and even expressed a concern/question about her diet and weather she should be nursing so much instead of eating solids.
Actually SNORTED.....and said what i said above about mothers milk. He said she will go at her own pace and not to worry about it.
Action!!!! Part II
me: "Does she get any shots for her 9 months?"
"ahhhhh....nope...just a TB test...can someone come back mon to have it checked?"
me: "sure...I can do it"
"o.k make sure you come in..there is a $29 retest fee"
me: "k...ummm...since she is on antibiotics and the supressent and decongestant...that isnt going to interfer with the shot will it???"
*enter TOTALLY stupid and flabbergasted look directed at me* "Now thats a strange question"......*laughs* (like I'm so stupid for asking such a DUMB question)
me: (small voice...laughing kinda nervous ...kinda pissed. ever do that?) "Well...i just wanted to be safe...you never know"
" *still laughing* Thats the 1st time Ive ever been asked that! And your answer is No....there wont be a reaction from the antibiotics"
CUT: O.k...now was I stupid in asking that? Cause if I was...then PLEASE let me know...I dont want to request NEVER to see this woman..if I was dumb in asking it.
Action: Scene III
me: " ummm..I had another quick...maybe dumb question for you." (future reference...NEVER start a conversation off this way)
me: " Well...I've noticed lately that her shee shee has been smelling VERY weird."
*confused look* "hmmmmm"
me: "I was wondering if it was from the medicines and maybe that's why it stunk so bad or if it could be something else"
"well duuhhh (yes she actually said "duuuhhhh) havent you ever smelled the amoxocillian when you open it up to give it to her?!"
me: " Well...no, not really...and all I smell is bubble gum"
"well, yeah...and then after that there is a lingering odor..... that what makes her pee stink...go ahead stick your nose in it when you get home, any more "fingers bent in quotes" "questions"
me: "uhhh...no...I just wanted to make sure it wasnt a sign of a urinary tract infection, bladder , kidney ect..."
*shakes her head*
By this time DH is like WTHang? We both walk out of there like ... what just happened?!
So...Is Dr Meyers right and I just let her eat when she wants...or is Nurse Kawasaki right...and I force her to eat?????????
Sammy was so easy....he was already eating table foods and nursing. She has SUCH a temprement!! I swear. It's like the red headed step child! LOL
gotta go rescue her from getting her hand stuck under the coffee table! :)
TTFN! And thanks for any advice or opinions you have to offer~~~
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Sammy and McKayla had been tagged by their friend Adam so here goes:
3 Things That Scare Me
*shots of ANY kind
*...or the use of the word "stickers" I KNOW I only get them when something bad happens at the dr.
*mom leaving the room
*washing my hair ( I hate water poured over my head)
3 People That Make Me Laugh
*daddy..what a goof
*Popo...she LOVES making me laugh
3 Things I Love
*Going to the beach cabin
*playing with my brother...or ANY attention he gives me
3 Things I Hate
*being told "no"
*being told "no"
*putting my nose on the wall
*being told "no
*not getting to eat what everyone else eats!
*crawling after people when they leave
3 Things I Don’t Understand
*why I have to have naps
*why I can't have McDonalds EVERY day
*why the world doesn't revolve around me
*"no" ...or at least I pretend not to
*why Sammy won't play with me all the time
3 Things On My Highchair
*I'm a big boy I don't use one
*I'm a big boy I don't use one
*o.k...maybe a little syrup on my lap table
*nothing right now...I don't use it much yet
3 Things I’m Doing Right Now
*blowing spit bubbles
*banging on everything to see what kind of noise it makes
*playing with my pool float/toy in the living room
3 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
* what's that?
* be a super hero
* go to "little einsteins" ?
*make a difference in someones life
3 Things I Can Do
*get dressed by myself
*put my shoes on by myself
*learn new words (like f'in sh**) at school *sigh*
*point with my finger
*crawl very fast..I have to.....to keep up with Sam
*eat biter bisquits and make a great big mess!
3 Ways to Describe My Personality
*observant (even when you think I'm not paying attention) think again!
*demanding..i want it..and i want it NOW
3 Things I Can’t Do
*Pour my own milk ( I try...but mom gets mad at the amount that ends up on the counter nad floor)
*say f'in sh** .....I have to put my nose on the wall if I do..and I HATE that!
*push my sister ...it's not nice
*walk...though I am trying
*drink from a sippy...i am to impatient
*bite mommy while nursing....she really hates that
3 Things I Think You Should Listen
*me, playing imaginary kitchen
*me, running my cars on the walls
*me, asking for everything.....but only when you are relaxed!
*me, sing myself to sleep...it is the BEST sound in the WHOLE world
*me, say mama and dada
*me, laughing with my brother!
3 Things I Think You Should Never Listen
*me, crying while I have my nose on the wall and everyone else is playing
*me, coughing my head off
*me, cussing ...I know how much you hate it...but I think it is so funny
*me, not able to breathe
*me, crying cause I am in pain
*me, when I get VERY upset...you would think I was being beaten!
3 Absolute Favorite Foods
*chicken nuggets ...McDonalds baby!
*pizza (especially Pizza Hut...I'll do a dance if i see that box!)
3 Things I’d Like to Learn
*how to get attention away from my sister without it being negative
*how to get my own snacks
*how to drive (dad is already teaching me to park...which mom hates)
*to walk..so I can keep up with Sam
*to talk...so i can yell at him when he takes my toys
*to eat big girl foods..I'm tired of choking..lol
3 Beverages I Drink Regulary
3 Shows I Watch
*Mickey Mouse ( I JUST started watching this..it makes me giggle)
*Charlie and Lola
*whatever brother is watching
3 Babies I Tag..ok 4
*Dominic, Damien, And Alex
*Alaina and Ava
*Big Z and Little Z
(and all the other babies who read!)
I gotta run now...that took me forever to answer. I am busy at school and have to get back to my friends~ byeee
That was fun guys! But now I have to demand my mom's attenton since she has been trying to occupy me for the last hour while she did this. Well...I'm done and I want HER now...so...watch how well I have her trained...........
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
This is Kristi Ann's luck...
This is Kristi Ann's luck whenever she wants to plan something.
Met a great family a few weeks back. Troy, Jane, Maddie (their daughter) and their 2 sons Andrew and Ryan.
We met at Bellows beach (see post from a few weeks back), had a GREAT time..and Sammy and the 2 boys got along great! We even got together the following weekend at the Hale Koa Hotel (where they were staying since they left bellows)...they were on vacation since Troy had just gotten back from a deploy of 6 months to Iraq.
Bless her heart!! And his!!
Anyway to make a long story short...we hung out and had a wonderful time....passing our contact information for when they went back ( I think it was to minnesota )
Well...Jane called (yay!) and let me know her best friend was in town (hawaii) with her family and kids and would like to meet my family since we had all had a great time.
So I tell her it is fine for her (Jane) to pass my number along and I get Connie's.
We call, talk... get along great..... so we make plans to go to the Zoo monday since her husband is here on business and she is stuck at the hotel all day with 2 younguns and no car. ( no fun!)
Told Sammy he wasnt going to school but was going to the zoo and meet some new friends.
Boy was he excited! (this was all on Sat)
Well....Sunday night comes around.....and was no fun.
Kayla was SO stuffed up she couldn't breathe. And she had this cough that sounded like barking. She has had what I thought was a cold for the last 2 weeks (or teething)
Well...the cough had me VERY worried. She woke up about 15 times coughing and almost throwing up she would cough so hard.
So I called Connie and let her know I would have to postpone cause I wanted to bring Kayla in in case she had an ear infection or a virus that just wouldnt go away! (Like 1 of the 200 they said sammy had 2 weeks ago)
In I go.
For almost 4 HOURS!
McKayla has pneumonia.
She had to have a breathing treatment.
And 2 viles of blood drawn.
ALL of which she SCREAMED and cried through!
Needless to say...
I cried right along with her!
The Xrays are the WORSE!
They sit them in this plastic chair type thing with their legs poking under. Then you have to raise their arms above their head while they clamp a HUGE plastic thing around their middle preventing them from lowering their arms! It is TOTAL torture! And to make me stand there and hold her arms just to make sure she was still..... was my own personal h- e -double hockeysticks!
They said if I had waited any longer to bring her in they would have to admit her. As it was he said he was tempted to...but gave me the option of taking her home and bringing her back for treatments.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......My baby came home with me!
So....there you have it...
my poor baby.
poor worried dh.
poor neglected (yeah right) Sammy
Oh and have I mentioned?
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Our wonderful, active, smart, stubborn son Samuel. Who joined us in a quaint hospital right outside of D.C in Virginia. His birth was AMAZING!! He joined us weighing in at 5 lbs 14 ozs and was 21 inches long.
Now here he is at almost 4..weighing in at 34 lbs and almost 4 feet tall. What a change! What a blessing!
And then there was:
McKayla Sue who joined us in a nice hospital in Hawaii. She was...shall we say....a little more difficult! :) She came in at 6lbs 12 oz and 18 inches long. (so...short and chubby lol)
And once again we have a VERY proud dad..who waited for a daughter impatiently for 9 months!
And here we have her today....at almost 9 months old...weighing in at a hefty 19 lbs....and getting taller every day! :)
Time is going by so fast!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
*sigh* And this is in the mid-morning...the start of it would take forever to type (as I DID type it once to Rhonda in an email...just to hit the wrong button and delete the whole darn thing! grrrrr....(second email to Rhonda...cut and pasted here....hope your day was brighter!)
yadda yadda yadda crappy morning part....it just gets better...
After dropping Sammy off I decided to cheer myself up and grab breakfast and head to a book store to buy a few romance novels (Im such a dork)
Stopped and McDonalds (yeah I need that) ordered hotcakes and sausage (why? it gives me heartburn? I'm glutton for punishment)
Pull out and head to bookstore 25 min away.
Ah well...at least I can sit in traffic and enjoy breakfast...
or so I thought
They FORGOT my damn PANCAKES IN THE STYROFOAM THING!!! I dont know if it was supposed to be a joke or what...but all that was in there was the wimpy...gray...sausage patty. *yuck* AND they forgot to give me my coke on top of that.
OK ...no big deal
Can't get any worse right?
40 min later...arrive at bookstore....
Well, to be fair they opened at 11.
HELLO..it was like 9.
AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER.....still in traffic to get back home
to my dishwasher FLOODING my kitchen.
Sammy must have pressed the "start" button and half locked the washer so it was partly opened when it ran.
OK...water's still on the floor
kayla's pulling on my leg...
Im STILL hungry
And its only 10:30!