The Bug and The Drama Queen

Tuesday Tummy Ticklers

Enjoy!~

Diet?

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,

"If I catch you, your mine."

He lost 63 pounds that week.

~~~

MY TAKE ON DISCIPLINE:

Tough Love vs. Spanking

(a psychological conundrum)

It seems that these days most Americans think it is improper to spank children, so over the years I tried other methods to control my kids when they had one of "those moments"

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,

A Friend

~~~

Here are 15 reasons why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After Mr. and Mrs. Moloney retired to Naples FL, Mrs. Moloney insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, Mr. Moloney was like most men....he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Moloney was like most women, she loved to browse.

One day Mrs. Moloney received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart in Naples, FL.

Dear Mrs. Moloney,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and may have to ban you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Moloney are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an Official voice, Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICESAGAIN!'

And last, but not least....

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here'!!!!"

~~~

LASTLY:

THIS is MY nominee for PARENT OF THE YEAR Award.... we need more like her (can I get an amen!)

This kinda reminds me of when my mother used to make my brother and I stand at the end of the driveway hugging each other (for like 10 minutes!!!) when we fought.

We were old enough that a good ol' fashioned spanking wasn't enough.

So she did the next BEST thing...

Ohhhhh the humiliation!!

Imagine...everyone driving by....friends included...

ar ar.... I think we only had to do it 3 times...LOL the THREAT was enough! :)

(thanks mom! *rolls her eyes*)

I'll be sure to remember this when my ruggies go at it

Have a great day ya'all!~